Me again
Mood:  happy
Topic: WTC
I'm really starting to feel like myself again which is good. I'm even starting to get back my baby fever! We have to wait 3 months to TTC but Rich and I have discussed things and are going to TRY and wait until September again. There's really so much to do and I must lose some weight but it's so hard!!! I just want a baby dang it! But the next 9 months will go by quick I'm sure with all the many things we have planned and hopefully the house will be done by then!

Exhausted...
Topic: Miscarriage
I'm unbelievably exhausted mentally and physically. I was up on and off through the night passing clots and other things. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life but I think *hope* the worst is over. I'm still cramping and feeling generally uneasy but I'm sure that is to be expected, I'm just glad I have until Tuesday to try and recover. I won't be doing much of anything I don't think except maybe laying in bed and studying. Emotionally I'm okay I've cried all I can cry for now and I'm just trying to look on the bright side of things. Rich seems numb, he can talk about it without crying but only b/c he seems to not be putting any feelings into what he is saying. He wants to get a nice frame for the pictures of our little bean we got last night which sounds like a good idea. Bean looked so perfect with it's little arm and leg buds! It was still good we got to see it I think, it gave us a bit of closure. Anyhow, I'm going on hiatus for awhile from journals and message boards, I just need a break.

Unsure..
Mood:  down
Topic: Pregnancy
The cramping has eased up a bit (it's only every now and then as opposed to continuously) and the bleeding has slowed to a trickle. No more clots just a concoction of pinkish/brown discharge when I wipe. Part of me wants to call my midwife and see if I can get a U/S to know for sure what's going on b/c this waiting is intolerable. I just don't know what to do :-(.

We lost the baby
Mood:  down
Topic: Miscarriage
We lost the baby. I went to the ER and they did a U/S and there was no heartbeat and the baby was only measuring 9wks. My hCG levels were only at 6wk levels. We are going to try and miscarry naturally but if something goes wrong they will do the D&C. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers. I'm sure we will get through and be trying again next year in September.

Mood:  down
Topic: Pregnancy
I woke up this morning around 4am with some brown discharge and then at about 5:30 I started passing clots. I called my midwife and she ordered some blood work and told me to call if the bleeding or cramps get worse but there isn't much they can do. It will either stop and everything will be fine or I will miscarry. I'm pretty much convinced this pregnancy is over, it's easier for me to deal with that way. I'm sad and I really wanted this baby more then anything but from the medical stand point I understand why these sort-of things happen and that I'm not alone. I have a beautiful 7 year old boy who needs me and someday we will have our baby, just now isn't the time I guess. DF is taking it much harder. He cried and blamed himself and now he's in denial which is making it a bit harder. He wanted to stay home but there isn't much he can do and if he's at work at least his mind will be occupied. I have to go and get my blood work done if I can get up the strength. I'm extremely tired from waking up through the night and have been up since 4am. But the test is important in case I need the Rhogam shot so I have to do it. I'll update later when I know more.

10 Weeks!
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Silence
Topic: Pregnancy
So we're 10 weeks today :-)! Baby is almost the size of a kumquat. Yes I had to look it up :-P! I've been feeling a bit better but I'm still not eating very much. I'm down another 2lbs for a total of 10lbs since I found out I am pregnant. I hoping it will start catching up soon. I have my next midwife appointment on 10/28 and we should get to hear the heartbeat. I told Collin he could be a bit late to school that day so he can hear it too. I want to keep him as involved as possible but I think he's more excited about missing school then hearing the heart beat *lol*! Rich is also coming to the appointment so it's going to be a full house! Anyhow, that's all that's new and exciting.

Beyond exhausted...
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Silence
Topic: Pregnancy
I have never been so tired in all my life after 8 hours of sleep! I was so afraid I may fall asleep behind the wheel earlier I had to come home and take a 15 minute rest and grab a bite to eat before I did anymore running about. And the morning sickness really kicked in this morning on the way to my exercise class. I nearly got sick in my car it was awful! I just want to sleep for a week please!

My 1st appointment!
Mood:  chatty
Topic: Pregnancy
I had my first appointment today at my new OB/Midwife office and let me tell you so far I ADORE them! The practice is very pro-woman and natural birth oriented. She said so long as I remain healthy they will allow me to go over my EDD and they don't push the drugs. They also are very pro-breastfeeding which makes things much easier. She was also very understanding and informative about my declining some of the testing (CF, Triple Screen and possibly the GD). I'm overjoyed. She also loaded me with info on my chosen hospital and all this stuff about prenatals and healthy eating. Maybe I'll get around to reading some of it with Rich tonight. I go back at 12 weeks for my physical and to hear the heartbeat *yippie*! So far everything is working out wonderfully!

8 weeks
So we are 8 weeks today and so far so good! The morning sickness has reduced itself to a maybe once a day thing usually in the mid-morning. The exhaustion is still holding strong and ohh my the moodiness has reached a new peak. I'm still having a heck of a time getting to sleep and staying asleep which is contributing greatly to both the exhaustion and the moodiness but hopefully once I'm in the second trimester that will subside. I have found I have a hell of a sweet tooth this time around but I'm doing my best not to give in to it. I think my weight is finally leveling off. I'm about 5lbs lighter then I was in the beginning of September but I think I have found the right combination of calories and exercise to remain steady at least until I am out of the first trimester. I go for my first midwife appointment tomorrow which I am excited about. I know I only get poked and prodded but it's still exciting. Other then that everything is good :-)! I'll update again after my appointment tomorrow though I'm pretty sure she isn't going to tell me anything I don't already know.

Don't treat me like an invalid!!
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Silence
Topic: Pregnancy
I'm pregnant not diseased! *lol* It started with MiL: "Ohh let me get that." "Here walk up this way I don't want you to trip." "Are you sure you can get that?" and so-on and so-forth and now DF is doing it! Yesterday we were cleaning and he wouldn't let me carry anything b/c he "didn't want to hurt the baby." WTF! It pisses me off b/c I have always been a VERY independent person. Me carrying a 20lb box of clothes isn't going to hurt the baby. I guess it is kind-of sweet though but annoying all in the same breath!